Hi everyone. I’ll preface this by saying I do have a tendency to overthink things sometime. However this is the situation: today as I was going to retrieve something from my girlfriend’s car, I found a large expensive looking power strip. The kind someone who uses high voltage things would plug into. Not something I would ever use certainly.
My girlfriend claims she has no idea where it came from. It was brand new unopened and sitting in her backseat under some other things. No one but her or I or our kids have been in her car in the past however many months. At least according to her.
We both texted our respective family members thinking maybe one of them left it in there without our knowledge. No one from either side of our family has any idea what it is or where it came from. She always locks the car before she gets out, and even if she didn’t I find it hard to believe that someone would break in to leave something in the car especially a $50 power strip. Most people break in to steal things from cars.
She got really defensive when I told her how weird I thought it was. Started immediately pulling classic darvo tactics.
Am I overthinking this or am I right and assuming someone besides me was in her car at some point whom she does not want me to know about?
She got really defensive when I told her how weird I thought it was. Started immediately pulling classic darvo tactics.
You were too aggressive. She might be hiding something OR maybe she felt you were being too accusatory. Now you’ve shut off that bridge of information and it will take you longer to find the truth.
I really wasn’t. I didn’t lead with the whole oh that’s weird part. In fact she led with the weird where did it come from part. We sat down together called family members and tried to figure out where it came from. It seemed like she was trying really hard to show how confused she was.
Once everyone from both sides of our family said they had no f****** clue where it came from, that’s when I said that’s weird. It’s almost like it just appeared out of thin air.
I reacted calmly this entire time. But then she just went full defensive mode.
I also as I mentioned to a different commenter, found out that she cheated once before in our relationship. That was about a 4-week ordeal between the time she cheated and the time I found out. Any conversations about weird activity back then were met with instant defensivism and darvoing.
That’s what this felt like.
Ok. I still think it would be wrong to press/accuse at this stage.
I’m definitely not the best person to get relationship advice from, but…
If this is the only thing that makes you suspicious? If so, I wouldn’t worry about it. If she’s cheating, more evidence will likely come to light soon enough. And if she’s not, it’ll strain your relationship to press this issue.
If other things come up that make you think she’s cheating (and do try not to succumb to selection bias), then maybe have the conversation.
Yeah well I guess I left out some vital information. I did catch her cheating once before years ago. She swore it would never happen again and until now I guess I just never found anything that made me think what the hell
Critical info.
Bahahaha maybe lead with that next time.
You know what the answer is.
You found a power strip?
It’s weird to be worked up about, and it’s weirder to not fess up to a specialty power strip. It sounds like you got some shit going on, but it’s a power strip, not a box of condoms. Like, what’s the thought process here? She cheated before, so now the power strip is clear evidence of an evolved relationship where multiple specialty power tools, a projector, and a washer/dryer are being used… rendering your relationship moot? And then you call family members to probe about the appearance of a mystery outlet splitter?
I’ve got weird shit I forgot I ordered on Amazon around the house. Some of it I’ve left in the car and forgot. This doesn’t seem like a “blow the relationship” smoking gun to me. But if your trust is fucked up, I mean deal with that instead and stick to it or don’t. I wouldn’t choose a mystery power strip as the lynch pin of that discussion though.
The point here is we both sat down and tried to rack brains on who could have had it in there. She asked relevant family members (people who may have used something like that) and I called similar on mine.
No one has any idea about it.
All avenues were exhausted and it’s just magically there.
Cheating is not the first place I would go. It’s not impossible, but it’s not most probable either. It’s not a suspicious item, even if it’s marginally unusual. It reads like you’ve got deeper issues, and apparently a spare power strip now.
Deeper issues stemming from a previous cheating issue though admittedly a couple years back on her part. Yes.
And stemming from you know - no one having any logical explanation how it got there.
maybe she’s got a secret hobby that she’s not ready to tell you about.