There are a whole lot of “templating” libraries which do what you’re asking for. I have used Hiccup for Clojure and Giraffe for F# successfully, and you can probably find others for languages you already know.

Splatoon 1 actually had local multiplayer - it was 2-player only, but for those of us with kids, it was good enough. Split screen multiplayer in Splatoon 2/3 would’ve been great.

Pretty much nothing you said is true, it was not “designed from the ground up to be frustrating” and the other statements are too vague to even bother attacking. “Not even wrong” is the phrase that comes to mind.

You didn’t even mention an example of a game which would count as “something good”.

QubesOS. When you need security and don’t need to play games, this is objectively the best distro.

NixOS for me. It’s a package manager (a very nice, declarative one) that you can use on any Linux (or Mac), and there’s also an entire distro based on it.