Oh oh oh oh oh oh!
JOUSTING!We can do it with motorcycles this time instead of horses!
OH ALSO
Private Military contractors should begin to dress like crosses between clowns and noble-knights again.
(hours later addendum) Bowing as a form of social greeting. We REALLY missed a beat when we didn’t bring this back when COVID made people afraid of getting too close to each other.
I watched the Knights of Valor (full contact jousting troupe) perform at the Glengarry Renaissance Fair a month ago.
It was the most exciting sporting event I have ever seen. I want it normalised in arenas where the knights have sponsorships and good insurance.
[sicko voice] Yes. HA HA HA. YES
If I recal, only lords or people from royalty where able to not only afford the armor but they where the only ones who could compete…
So the jousters would be congressmen right?
I support this idea as long as peasants get to bet on the outcome.
Scaphism, but specifically for corrupt politicians.
Doug Rushkoff had a talk where he called out local currency as a thing he’d like to bring back from the medieval.
Exclusive to the community, and only valid for a short period of time, so you can’t hoard it or siphon the wealth to another community.
Edit:
Found a blog post about it: https://archive.rushkoff.com/articles/local-money.html
It doesn’t say anything about it being temporary, although he does mention that in his talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRWzOdUiqQE
Good luck having global trade with that.
I think Rushkoff’s notion was that new local currencies would be in addition to central currency. It just allows businesses to give a discount to transactions that will keep the wealth inside the community.
It’s a neat idea, I just don’t know how you would protect it from financial services turning it into yet another abstract tradable asset that undermines the original purpose.
Why would someone prefer that over money that can hold value over time? When I die I don’t want my wife to have to jump through hoops.
Added some links to my original comment.
It’s not instead of central currency, but in addition to it.
The advantage is that businesses can transact with less conventional liquidity so they don’t have to rely on bank loans. This allows them to charge less to customers who use the local currency.
In the long term, this makes money [in general – both kinds] move slightly faster within the local market, which makes the money [both kinds] more valuable [within the community]. And since the money [again, both kinds] is staying in the local market, the community’s wealth is less likely to be drained by external speculators.
Doesn’t that already exist in parts of the US? I know the UK and Germany have it.
Trebuchets - the superior siege engine. (Disclaimer: probably not medieval)
Nah you’re spot on there. Trebuchets are absolutely mediaeval.
Mediaeviael
you ok there bud?
k
I wish I could have seen that as it happened, live
Invented in ancient China.
I think when most people talk about trebuchets, they more specifically mean a counterweight trebuchet, which is first concretely attributed to the Ayyubids in the 12th century.
Well to be fair, for the intended use of yeeting landlords, burgies and their political pawns over fairly large distances traction trebuchet would be much worse.
Ha! Good point.
… During the medieval period…
IV century BCE is not medieval no matter where you look at it.
Guess that makes me king of my own domain! 😆
Sorcery, alchemy, soothsaying, baby. Come one come all I’ll cure what ails you. I’ll summon portals and turn lead into #gold.
Or maybe the town crier. Hear ye, hear ye, elon musk hast tweeted about his balls.
To be fair, quacks that claim to be able to do magical stuff are still around, some do quite well well for themselves even
“Mein Lehnsherr…”
A vast patchwork of incredibly different lifeways that you can flee to whenever then taxman and his goons come round.
IRS enters the chat
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords as a basis for a system of government.
Strange woman here, anyone knows where I can buy swords in bulk, preferably with a pond thrown in? It’s for… a personal project.
Are we to believe that famous actress Margot Robbie doesn’t have some sort of connection for bulk medieval weaponry?
I am shocked and dismayed.
Have you tried your local Swords 'R Us? I hear there’s a July 4 blowout sale this week. Use promo code Pond50 for half of your pond!
something something ‘watery tart’ something.
You know how to kill any party? Start quoting Monty Python.
He’s being oppressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system!
Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?
You sound like a moistened bint to me. Care to decree some governmental officials while you’re here?
What has Monty Python ever done for us?
The woman = Amy Coney Barrett
The pond = DC swamp
The sword = Official acts
Guillotines.
That wasn’t really a thing in medieval times. I’m afraid an axe will have to do.
Trebuchet?
Of course! It’s the superior siege engine.
Imagine using this for execution
Especially when you could hold a vote, letting the people decide the method. One option: yeet the person from the trebuchet. The second: yeet something at them from a trebuchet!
Bring outchyo
deadvote!!Yeet a person at this person from a trebuchet!
First used in ancient China around IV century BC.
We can get tripantium though, advanced evolution of it invented in XIII century France.
It was an instrument used by the burghers in bringing about the end of European feudal lordship, replacing the feudal mode of production with the capitalist one.
It’s okay, we’re getting rid of history lessons too!
This might fit in mediaeval times, with the earliest possible recorded use in the 13th century, but it’s certainly not well-known until the early modern period and most famous right on the border between early and late modern.
And the billionaires will be the first to try it out!
It goes Yah
Sic semper tyrranis
y’all qaeda had those on Jan6. They can have 'em.
Samurai sword. But, probably they all have those as well.
Having most of the year off for festivals and holy days
Good news: take up subsistence farming, no healthcare, no electricity, and make everything yourself, and you too can have half the year “off”.
Don’t threaten me with a good time
I mean the reality was that the time “off” was spent farming their own land, taking care of animals, fixing the house and doing the insane number of household tasks that come with premodern living. Spend a few days just cooking in a medieval style, and you’ll quickly realize it’s a LOT of work.
Meh,
- They had horrible healthcare they couldn’t afford and WE have horrible healthcare we can’t afford
- They spent a lot of time at festivals and with their communities helping each other and WE spend a lot of time chatting on our phones, but mostly playing games.
- They spent a lot of time outdoors doing a lot of work but keeping active, and we can sometimes go for hikes or walks, but we’re Americans, we as a whole, don’t.
- They knew how an could fix things around the farm, we can watch youtube videos unless it’s electronic or DRM.
- They had witch hunts and misinformation and WE have witch hunts and misinformation.
- All of the food they grew was organic but they had to grow it themselves and we have to pay an arm and a leg for non-poisoned food.
- They spent all day working for the king and we spend all day working for billionaires.
- They have poor starving people during famines, we have a too big percentage of poor starving people (13% of US population was food insecure during 2023).
- They had xenophobia and WE have xenophobia.
When you delve into the details of what those bullet points actually entailed, they were all far far worse in medieval times.
All of the food they grew was organic
Without someone inspecting the water and the soil, how safe was it? ♪♫ Hello typhoid my old friend… ♫♪
Except for that, yeah. We still have listeria outbreaks, etc. that kill people. It’s not like we’ve moved on from that, and that’s with all of the poisoned food to make it “safer.”
Medieval cooking sounds a little bit fun. Besides, maybe, all the slaughtering of animals and heavy use of entrails.
And gathering your own firewood, and water, and making twice as much to prepare for winter, and the strongly reduced options.
I mean yeah, it IS fun for a bit, I do medieval reenactment, obviously I enjoy it. But doing it every day absolutely sucks.
take up subsistence farming
Where?
Plenty of places you can do this. Put “homesteading” into a search engine of your choice and you’ll get more information on the topic than you can handle.
You’ll also pretty quickly realize its a very hard, tedious life and we have it pretty good in many ways in the modern world.
Gotta buy land first. Like 10 acers if you want to grow most of your own food.
Japan sells rural land for cheap
Getting the visa is another story though.
Is Alaska still giving away free land?
No, but it’s like a dollar per square meter if you’re remote enough…
So you think in order for people to not work their lives away we would have to take up subsistence farming? With all the tech and machines we have the only viable way to not be a company man is to give away all of the luxuries we currently have?
How’s that Kool aid tasting?
That’s not remotely close to what I think the world SHOULD BE like.
It is, unfortunately, what I think the world IS like.
I’m also pointing out that if you want that aspect of the middle ages, you can have it right now by also taking all the crappy aspects of the middle ages…
Depending on the state and one’s farming capabilities, some people could already be halfway there! At least part of the year
My non-joke answer is apprenticeship. Kids could actually learn how to do a valuable job rather than graduating from high school with almost no useful skills.
TIL that the US doesn’t have apprenticeships. We have them over here in Australia, for the usual trades. But we also regulate a lot of those things - we’re not allowed to handle our own electrical work if we’re not trade qualified.
How does it work in the US, if a kid wants to become, say, a plumber?
We do have apprenticeships! For ex: https://www.apprenticeship.gov/apprenticeship-occupations/listings?occupationCode=51-4121.00
I had no idea this existed. Thanks for the share!
Thats not medieval, thats everywhere exept the US of A.
Where I live, apprenticeships are officially regulated and for many proffessions you are not allowed to open a business without proper qualification.
The US has apprenticeships as well. Not sure why this person doesn’t think they do …
Trump had an Apprentice
What kind of generalisation are you trying to point out?
They’re referring to the TV Show, The Apprentice, which D Trump was on.
Don’t those already exist in union shops nowadays?
Often, yes, there just aren’t enough union shops anymore.
Wait, you don’t it in the US ? Kids who aren’t comfortable in school start learning a trade at 14, so by the time they’re 18 they have some skills.
I get that it’s a pitty that non everyone reads philosopher or learn about history and science, but on the other hands, some kids are really uncomortable at school, so having them working one week, and going to school one week is an alternative which pulls some student out of the failure cycle
Education in general is quite shit in the US. Apprenticeships, contracts and unions are all things most Americans never experience.
Our leaders fighting in the wars they start.
You wanted it… go fucking get it cowards.
Imagine a king fighting his own battle, wouldn’t that be a sight…
On Sep 7, 1944, a group of American pilots was tasked with bombing a radio tower at Chichijima Island in the Pacific theater. The Japanese resistance was strong, and many American planes were shot down. Eight pilots managed to parachute to the ground safely but were caught by the Japanese.
The Japanese military tortured them and then brutally executed them, in at least one case forcing the prisoner to dig his own grave before killing him. After the prisoners were executed, the Japanese cannibalized them, not due to lack of rations but to show “fighting spirit”.
A ninth pilot parachuted away that day. The Japanese sent small boats out to try to capture him, but American airplanes arrived to force the Japanese boats back. The pilot was swimming in the open ocean far from any nearby ships when an American submarine suddenly breached the water in front of him and rescued him.
That pilot then went on to become the 41st President of the United States.
they should also sport appropriate codpieces to match their raging egos
Hell yeah! Modern leaders are fucking cowards. Don’t start a war if you’re not going to fight in it yourself!
Hey tbf at least here in the States these guys are reaching their 80s…
Royal beheadings
As somebody who lives in a kingdom, yes! Fucking parasites!
Thailand? Or the UK?
Netherlands. Thailand and Morocco are even worse I guess. There, you’ll get punished harshly for beinig openly anti-monarchy. I feel sorry for those countries.
Thailand’s King is something else. Here’s a photo of him being picked up for his coronation.
I don’t know much about the Netherland’s laws other then you can loose or get your driver’s license restricted if you’re diagnosed with Autism
Guillotines obviously.
guillotines are renaissance era.
Giant shirtless executioners then, I guess.
I’ll take the entrails of a priest.
See, that kind of back talk puts you first in line for the period-inaccurate execution.
Coinciding (by happenstance no doubt) with the fall of monarchies.
Does it matter if they are meant specifically for the ruling class?
.
I dunno, that was invented to make beheadings more humane…let’s go back to an axe.
That’s not cool man…
They said medieval, that is way too late.
