(Content warning, discussions of SA and misogyny, mods I might mention politics a bit but I hope this can be taken outside the context of politics and understood as a discussion of basic human decency)

We all know how awful Reddit was when a user mentioned their gender. Immediate harassment, DMs, etc. It’s probably improved over the years? But still awful.

Until recently, Lemmy was the most progressive and supportive of basic human dignity of communities I had ever followed. I have always known this was a majority male platform, but I have been relatively pleased to see that positive expressions of masculinity have won out.

All of that changed with the recent “bear vs man” debacle. I saw women get shouted down just for expressing their stories of being sexually abused, repeatedly harassed, dogpiled, and brigaded with downvotes. Some of them held their ground, for which I am proud of them, but others I saw driven to delete their entire accounts, presumably not to return.

And I get it. The bear thing is controversial; we can all agree on this. But that should never have resulted in this level of toxicity!

I am hoping by making this post I can kind of bring awareness to this weakness, so that we can learn and grow as a community. We need to hold one another accountable for this, or the gender gap on this site is just going to get worse.

  • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
    0·
    4 months ago

    It’s a totally valid comparison. If you are saying things about a group of people, and replacing that specific group with a different random group makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t say the things.

    “Men are terrible”

    “Women are terrible”

    “Jews are terrible”

    Just don’t say those things. Better yet, don’t think those things.

    • GBU_28@lemm.ee
      0·
      4 months ago

      I’m getting roasted in another thread right now because of this, someone saying all Americans don’t care about the world, which is crap

    • starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works
      0·
      4 months ago

      I think saying “an unknown man with no consequences is very dangerous if you’re a woman” is fair, and also sexist in a way. That’s just the reality of how things are.

      If I replace woman with “an unknown jew… is very dangerous” it’s similarly saying “this group is bad” but is also completely untrue. Understanding that it’s sexist is important, but swapping the word out can be an invalid comparison imo.

      • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
        0·
        4 months ago

        That’s a fair point, but only to an extent. I think most of the time what I said holds true. And I think it’s pretty clear when you cross the line from reasonable to bigot, usually.

        Like, I would agree that it’s reasonable to have a healthy fear of being alone in the ghetto at night if you’re a white dude. But there’s a point where that becomes racism.

      • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
        0·
        4 months ago

        it’s objectively not true however.

        statistically, the danger to women is known men. most women are assaulted by men they know and trust.

        • yuri@pawb.social
          0·
          4 months ago

          So since we can agree that men are not a marginalized group, we can agree that it’s an invalid comparison.

          Hatred against Jewish people is a real thing, hatred against men is mostly confined to strawmen that live in the heads of angry men.

            • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
              0·
              4 months ago

              you can’t argue with people who are convinced that ‘minority’ status grants them a moral superiority, and therefore their attacks on a non-minority group are justified.

              this is the same reason right-wingers are obsessed with pedos. by fighting the ‘ultimate evil’ everything they do is automatically justified.

            • yuri@pawb.social
              0·
              4 months ago

              I’m saying something very simple. If you seriously can’t understand it then I can’t help you.

              You know how a privileged white person couldn’t point at some random inconvenience and say “This is just like what slavery was like for black people”? That’s the kind of comparison you’re defending here.