I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
I can relate, so I’m not going to tell you things get better. You probably wouldn’t believe me, I wouldn’t believe you.
Just to say, you’re not alone, I understand why you unhappy, it’s perfectly understandable that you’re angry/sad/tired. The world is shit. People are shit. Life is shit.
If I was to give you advice, I’d perhaps say buy a lottery ticket for a few bucks, pop it in a drawer. My logic has always been, that given my luck, I’d probably kill myself only for my ticket to win the lottery. One last cosmic joke. So I use this to delay for a few days or weeks. That or I book a ticket for a movie or make plans from a week from now.
That and distract yourself with tv, games, audiobooks or whatever. I’d say read a book, but I suspect that like me, that’d be hard to focus on. Anything that stops you thinking and offers an escape. Anything to delay for another few days or a week or two. Oh, and spite also helps in the short term. Outliving the bastards who made or make your life shit. Maybe there’s a hateful politician you dislike who’s old and might die soon. Might as well delay a few more weeks for that. Wouldn’t want to miss them dying.
My comment probably didn’t help. I probaby worded it poorly. But I hope you know you’re not alone. That people do want you to succeed. I wish I could give you a hug over the internet, that it would help, or perhaps make a plan to go to Disneyland or some shit to distract ourselves, but this is the internet so that’s not possible.