I’ve worked really hard getting a certification and landed an excellent part time job. I’m in college and my grades are the best they’ve ever been despite my increased workload but I can’t stop constantly thinking about the past. There isn’t a moment in time where I don’t feel anxious, as if I don’t deserve this relative success I’m having. I feel like a fraud. I don’t know if I’m making any sense.
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Ho dang yeah I felt that probably still do at times. Giving back helps a bit. Usually try to donate some food or books to some orphanages.
What’s done is over and you can’t change it but it’s experience.
Don’t worry life has more shit around the corner to fuck you up or piss you off. As Kratos once said “the worst is yet to come” so try not to feel so bad about the past and enjoy the ride.
Imposter syndrome. Not feeling worthy even though you’ve worked really hard to be there. I just want to say, yes you deserve the good things and yes you are smart and yes you are enough. Congratulations on doing well.
Psychedelic therapy may be something to look into.
That will give you a good feeling for awhile, but it will never give you the tools to actually cope with emotional stress.
What you’ve got is a maladaptive cognitive structure you’ve set up for yourself, and the only way out is to learn a new way to think about/relate to the past. Practicing mindfulness can help you learn to recognize when a thought isn’t serving you and be able to let it go. CBT and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy are also good options for what you’re describing
I went from living in my car to owning a 3600 sqf home in the span of 10 years. It started with going back to school, doing well, and getting a job that pays 4x what I was before. I make a stupid amount and question it sometimes. They’re willing to pay it, and I proved value, so whatever.
You can change the past. Acknowledge it and learn from it.