Image of a screenshot of Twitter of a screenshot of Facebook.
The Facebook screenshot reads:
Fun fact about me: When I’m having a conversation with you, I will periodically bring up personal experiences from my own life, interspersed withing your own stories that you’re telling me. I’m not doing this to try and make the conversation about me, or to take away from your own experience. Actually, what I’m attempting to do, is to try and show you that I do, in fact, understand what you’re trying to tell me, and that I am giving your story my full attention.
It can really be off-putting to some people, so if I’ve ever done this to you during a conversation, I just wanted to make sure you know that I wasn’t trying to take over your story, I was just doing my best to connect with you in the moment.
The screenshot of Twitter reads:
This. I am fully aware that I do this. And I feel so guilty every time, but this. Understand this.
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This isn’t normal conversation?
ADHD person here living with a normie girlfriend and apparently it’s not. She gets so upset when I add my own personal anecdotes to the conversation, but when I sit there in silence she accuses me of not listening.
Guys I don’t know what to do.
Sounds like a her problem. This is how conversations work.
Show her this meme and explain that you’re doing it to show that you understand and emphasis with what she is saying.
Communication is key in a healthy relationship.
Communication is key in a healthy relationship
People always tell me this and honestly I’m tired of trying. She’s not the communication type, so my attempts go nowhere.
I’ve shown her similar memes in the past (especially ADHD memes) but she never understands them and I’m left frustrated. She still thinks the “odd” things I do are done simply to annoy her. I’m convinced that neurodivergence is just one of those things that you can never understand nor relate to unless you have it.
I don’t mean to be a downer here but… It sounds like she’s just not right for you. To me it sounds like you’ve made efforts to try to improve and she hasn’t. It takes two people working on a relationship to make it last.
While yes, communication is one key in a healthy and lasting relationship, the other key is mutual respect. Yes, you have to talk to each other, but just as important is having the respect to try and understand the other person’s side and find a mutually acceptable resolution. It sounds like she doesn’t respect you much, to me.
Granted, this isn’t my relationship, and I’m sure I’m only seeing one negative aspect instead of the full picture, so don’t take my words as definitive. But, I stand by this: if you don’t feel respected, the relationship either isn’t going to last, or it will and you will be miserable.
I’m convinced that neurodivergence is just one of those things that you can never understand nor relate to unless you have it.
Unless every person who works with significantly neurodivergent people who can’t live without assistance is also neurodivergent, I doubt this. And I doubt that they’re all neurodivergent. I also doubt it’s a hiring trait companies that provide such assistance consider.
And, of course, plenty of neurotypical parents have neurodivergent children and raise them to be successful adults in a loving home that accepts their quirks.
If you are self-aware about this, then… tone it down. Like, 50% of the time you feel the urge to tell a related story, just don’t. It’s okay.
Uh-oh. This is Autistic?
Uh-oh. UH-oh. UH-OH!
rocking back and forth intensifies
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While it’s normal to do this (outside of obvious one-upmanship) I think what makes it autistic is the crushing awareness of the pattern and the realization of how wrong the reaction to such an innocuous thing can be if interpreted incorrectly. Some sort of paranoia of being misunderstood.
I’ll often consciously play a game where I try to get my conversational partner to ‘open up’, telling me more personal information than a person would normally tell. Meanwhile, I keep my revelations to a minimum, keeping the ratio as high as I can. I’ve had people cry and hug me, all while knowing nothing about me. I do like helping people and comforting them though.
Probably sociopathic behavior now that I think about it. Forget I mentioned it.
Isn’t this just normal behaviour? There is nothing wrong in this, to my understanding.
There are degrees. If someone’s sharing about their recent stillborn child, it’s probably best not to bring up that one time I was 6 and my cat died and I can really, really sympathize. Anyone who worries about this is probably that person and could spend more time asking questions and less time, “relating”.
I do this all the time, I see nothing wrong with it, this person expalained it, but I thought it was obvious 🤨… like, I would like someone to do the same while I’m talking about something, cuz that shows interest and that that person can relate to my problem(s).
On the other hand, if people are like “yeah, yeah, I get it… mhm, yeah, you’re right… mhm… mhm…” I just stop talking, it’s obvious they’re not interested in the subject I’m talking about… well, at least that’s my reasoning.
interspersed withing your own stories that you’re telling me.
This is what I don’t get. The neurotypical person is the one telling personal stories, but then we’re the bad people when we…tell personal stories.
I just see the same behaviors in everyone all the time and wonder what exactly is making the difference between neurotypical and neurodiverse. Besides an undue stigma from neurotypicals against people who don’t fit absolutely perfectly into social norms for whatever arbitrary reasons.
I think the expectation is that you ask questions about their story as opposed to telling your own as it shows interest directly and lets them continue to be the focus of the interaction. If someone came up to you and started a story about their weekend, it seems to be expected that instead of saying “mine too I did xyz” (if that happens to be similar) we’re supposed to ask about their weekend in more detail so they can keep talking about their story.
Sucks because the way I relate is exactly how OPs image puts it lol I’m showing I can relate by saying I’ve been through a similar thing, but that’s harder for people to realize I guess and it takes the focus away from the person talking.
At the same time, advice I’ve heard is to not “turn every social interaction into an interrogation”. People have told me that I ask too many questions and should talk about myself more. So to me the expectation seems to be striking a balance. Sigh.
This is a non autistic neurotypical thing to do too. If you get someone who is bitching at you saying an occasional 5 second aside showing that you relate to what they’re saying, they’re just an asshole, and they’re in the wrong.
I mean if you’re doing every other sentence, then yeah, that’s a bit much. But now and then is expected and someone who wants a half hour of center stage quiet from the audience should find a stage and a brick wall
I’ve gotten better results if my interjected story is funny.
I saw this on Lemmy and it’s so weirdly relatable
omg I also saw this on lemmy! I really related to it
Oh. I do this all the time especially when chatting to new people on the internet. If I do it and the chat goes cold, I’m wondering what have I done wrong.
It feels like I have a list of stories and anecdotes in my head to tell new friends and I’m just waiting for that trigger word or phrase to unleash my story.
Question: I don’t know if this just me but sometimes when im talking and the other person interupts me, once I’ve let them finish, I’ll purposely wait to see if they ask me to carry on. If they don’t, I assume my story isn’t interesting enough and feel a bit more boring.
Damn. I remember realizing I do this often when I was young and feeling so guilty…
